Blood work...

So no matter how many times I go and get it done, I get nervous every time I need to go and have blood drawn.

I don't know what it is but something about it freaks me out. I've tried to figure it out and the only solution that I can come up with is that I am frightened by what the results might be, not the actual needle. I mean sure I hate needles a lot...though you'd think that after...I dunno 30 hours of tattooing I would be ok with them, but really I think that it's what can happen if the results of the blood work are not good that really frightens me.

See the thing is that I have IGA Nephritis. Which is basically a kidney disease that slowly reduces kidney function. Currently I have enough function to survive, though on many pills to keep my blood pressure down, but my kidney function seems to be slipping. Whether that is due to bad diet or not controlling the blood pressure well enough or just that nothing will stop the decline...we are not sure yet. So my future looks grim no matter what. Sad to say I know, but the fact is that my options are basically...kidney transplant or kidney transplant. The only real questions are when and what happens between now and that event.

If I am lucky (which I rarely am) I will manage another couple of years before my function gets to the point where I need dialysis. That in itself is a shitty situation. Firstly, I am a young man...well young-ish. And spending hours a week having my blood filtered is not the way I want to spend my time. Secondly, that's more needles to deal with...more time in a hospital to deal with. But the more realistic scenario is that within a year I will need dialysis. At that point I can be put on the transplant list, or if I am really lucky have a family member donate one to me.

Then the real fun starts. Immuno-suppressants for the rest of my life. And a million things that I have to be careful of so that the body doesn't reject the new organ. And that is for years until it finally gives out.

So yeah. Not a fun time. And I try to just not think about this stuff. I try to hide my worries and how much it affects me. But there are times where I find it difficult. Like before I give blood...Day to day I can almost ignore my condition, or at least live with the few minor side effects of the meds that I am on. Mostly dizziness and the lack of energy. But damnit, this really sucks sometimes.

So until things really turn to shit...off i go, living my life as best I can.

Ugh...I better have access to a laptop and the internet while I am in the hospital for all that crap. Otherwise on top of treating me for that they are going to have to treat me for insanity as well.